African pastors unite!

The news that Pastor Reinhardt Bonnke is to grace our shores yet again fills me with awe and trepidation. We have much to thank our Christian Brothers across the ocean for: for coming to our land a century and more ago and showing us the evil of our ways, for introducing us to the light and the glory of the White man's religion. So of course, the news that Bonnke still has the love and devotion to visit our humble country fills me with overflowing love for this great man. Like those two other preacher-mountains that we at Greener Pastures adore (and buy all their books on Amazon) - Crespo Dollar and Oral Roberts - we give praise to Jesus, and pause to dwell in the mystery of the Holy Spirit.

However, the trepidation that the Lord provoketh in me is this: that we are now confident of our faith enough that we don't have to keep relying on the Americans. Of course, we at Greener Pastures have relied on generous donations from sister-churches in the mid-West for years. But I for one amongst the management have started to request that we at least lessen the size and regularity of international transfers that go into COGP's domiciliary account. Deaconness Mofe Naira is wrong to argue that the status quo is well (she has even suggested we request for additional payments).

I think we African churches need to stand on the rock we have built in the past few decades. Indeed, I dream that one day soon, we shall start sending money of our own overseas to help our poor African-American brothers and sisters in God's Country (I had this thought around the time of the Lord's message to New Orleans last year).

So, welcome pastor Bonnke. May the seed of your mouth spread itself across the land: there, the fruit of the Lord shall grow (especially in the arid areas of the North). But surely, it is time The Church of the Greener Pastures begins to return the favour (a tempting land deal has just come up in Texas - come brethren - let us build!)

Immigration and Visa Issues

Dear Church,
No doubt in order to spread the gospel to the ungodly countries of the US, UK and Canada, by any means necessary, many church members have travelled using other member's passports, or have over-stayed due to the length of time it takes to convert the heathen Westerners.
Church we are with you.
We are currently petitioning the embassies of these countries to create a special Missionary Visa where we are allowed to enter and leave these countries at will for up to 10 years, in order to spread the gospel.
We have received prayer requests from our members abroad, who are on the rum from police, immigration and other agents of satan as they try to have them deported and stop the good work.
We urge all of you not to visit the babalawos and practitioners of juju in order to get travel documents. You will not get anything more than a single entry 6-month visa.
If you want a 5-year multiple entry visa and/or work permit. Church of Greener Pastures is the only way to go. We have favour with the immigration officials who are men of our Father.
Please send your prayer request, along with a donation equal to $200 dollars. Euros, Pound Sterling and Naira equivalent are also accepted.
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Image from http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/4529082.stm"> BBC Website drawn by http://www.tayofatunla.com"> Tayo Fatunla

Enemies in our midst

Thank you Brother Awolabi for your words of infinite wisdom. Enemies are indeed in our midst - my last post, which caused me considerable effort (I am used to people fetching and carrying for me - including a young brother I have for keyboard duties except personal things like our COGP web blog) has mysteriously disappeared. It can only be evil satanic forces of darkness somehow infiltrating the computer (I am not sure how these things work, but everything is possible. The devil, like the Chinese, may be quite good at hacking these days). For those readers unfortunate enough to have missed my sermon, I was explaining that it is down to me that the Eagles won on penalties yesterday. The Lord answered my fervent fasting with deliverance via Enyeama.

Anyway, we must all continue to fast and praise and tithe so that our beloved team beat the Ivorians on Tuesday. Jesus be praised!

Miracles

I want to thank Pastor Ayodeji for a work of great faith.

God is good, amen?

God desires a worthy sacrifice of praise.

"He is a miracle working God
He is a miracle working God
He's the Alpha, and Omega
He is a miracle working God"

As this beautiful song ascended to the Heavens, God saw to it that Vincent Enyeama received his miracle. Our God answers prayers! Christians never fail, if they have faith. How could the forces of darkness defeat us? How could the forces of Tunisia confound us? How could the evil power of Cameroon confront us? Ah, praise the Lord. We have found favor with both God and man.

God is a Nigerian, amen? Now, won't you be a Nigerian too. If God can defeat Francophone phootballers, do you think he will be unable to defeat your poverty? Will the Almighty God be powerless to defeat your addiction to Hot Teen Action or Girl on Girl or other distracting ungodly acts on the internet? Our God is not a limp God.

In the mighty name of Jeeezusss.

As Pastor Ayodeji mentioned, I recently returned from my Church sponsored pilgrimage to Las Vegas. Whilst there I was blessed with many visions and I am proud to say that my spiritual reawakening was a glorious success. I plan to share these visions with you in due course but before I do so I want to take this opportunity to thank all our esteemed church members for kindly providing me with this fantabulous experience. The private jet meant that I was able to meditate on the Word during my journey time, safely removed from the nosey glare of our enemies who I must remind you are all around us. My stay at the MGM Grand hotel in Las Vegas I assure you was much in keeping with the sort of decadence that our Church approves of. I chose this hotel particularly because of the fact that it was built to commemorate the Lion of Judah ‘A lion, mighty among beasts, who retreats before nothing’ (Proverbs 30:30).

During one particular visit to the slot machines in the hotel lobby, I was blessed by the Lord who had clearly ordained for me to win many millions. The bible says ‘Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.’ Proverbs 10:4) and my skill with these slot machines (similar as they are to the kalo-kalo machines I grew up playing in Obalende before I was saved) are living testimony to this. I reaped where I had sown, and took my winnings back up to my room. As a proper born again Christian I was only to willing to share this wealth with the Almighty. So after two hours of fervent prayer for wisdom and God’s guidance, I placed the majority of my winnings onto a linen cloth, opened my eyes upwards to the heavens and cast the linen cloth and its contents skywards. All the money meant for God I am sure He kept, and the rest showered down upon me like manna from heaven. This was surely a sign from the almighty for me to do with this money as I see proper. May all of you never be poor in Jesus name…Amen. Stay raptured.

Our African beliefs are sacred. In Jesus name.

I welcome the General Overseer back from his stay at the seminary in Las Vegas. I trust the private jet brought you back in comfort Sir? I also must applaud him for his sermon on the importance of defending our Church from our enemies. In this Nigeria, there are many forces of darkness waiting to pounce at any moment. We must therefore be forever vigilant against traditionalists, babalawos and all those of nativist persuasion. We have also been bombarded by attempts to taint our beliefs with Western influences: showing of shoulder and elbow in church, and accepting homosexuals into the fold. Peter Akinola may be wrong about many things (those Anglicans don’t sing and dance enough in their boring churches for one) but I must shout his message from the rooftops: we in Africa do not have (and have never had) homosexuals. It is a Western form of degeneracy. We must stick to our African beliefs against all attempts by CNN, DSTV and BBC Food to persuade us otherwise.

The African man loves the African woman, and there is no other way around it. Whenever a man does sleep with another man in our beloved country (as I hear they do in the prisons and in Boarding Schools), it is the Devil that has entered his loins. We must join together and pray for deliverance, that his loins may be cleansed and not emptied into the nether regions of his poor victim. Satan be gone from our rich and fertile soil! In Jesus name.

Our Enemies are in our midst

The Bible says that “Where there is no vision, the people perish” Proverbs 29:18
As I have been ordained from on high as General Overseer of our church, I am here to ensure that this church has many visions and that our members shall not perish. On the contrary, it is all the enemies of this church who shall perish, their endeavours shall not prosper, their wives shall remain barren, their farms shall remain fallow, and the balance sheets of their businesses shall remain unbalanced.

But we must remember that the Bible tells us not only to love our neighbours but to also love our enemies. I am not an academic, they didn’t teach me deductive reasoning in the seminary, but it is obvious to me that this must mean that our enemies are indeed our neighbours; our enemies have infiltrated our church and this situation cannot be allowed to continue.

Admittedly, thus far I have been negligent in my duties as General Overseer but the Bible explains why in Psalm 6.7 “My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies” So fellow members, I call on you to assist me in safeguarding the welfare of our church for the sake of our financial health. The Psalmist reminds you that “he who watches over you shall neither slumber nor sleep” and so I make this solemn convenant with you. That as I watch over this church I too shall neither slumber nor sleep. I shall remain vigilant to ensure that no church member speaks evil of another member (but is free to do so of non-members), that the tithes of our members grow as their blessings grow, that we draw upon the teachings of our Muslim friends in ensuring that women in our midst dress appropriately, that as Children of God our church officials are allowed to live in the lap of luxury that their status as shepherds of the flock deserves; and that the interior of the Sistine chapel gets the long overdue renovation that Christian decency demands.

I live you with this final warning. We must not fail in this for failure will incur the wrath of our Lord. Remember His warning to his children,” The LORD will cause you to be defeated by your enemies. You will attack your enemies from one direction, but you will scatter from them in seven! You will be an object of horror to all the kingdoms of the earth. (Deuteronomy 28:25)