A TESTIMONY ON BLESSING

Dear congregation,

I promised to give you this testimony after the car accident that happened after this week's end of year conference and revival of blessings.

TESTIMONY 1

While driving away in the Ferrari given to the church by a grateful parishioner, some god-forsaken idiot did not move out of the way when he saw me approaching
Anyway, we thank the good Lord for the blessing of airbags and the blessing of church insurance. AMIN OH!

Please look at this picture to see what this idiot did to the official car of the church! (The COGP logo is on the other side). It is no surprise that he was driving such an old model wretched car. Such a clearly evil person will never experience the bountiful blessing of a ferrari.

But ladies and gentlemen, the real testimony is that I came out of the accident without a scratch on my body while the driver of the ugly car broke two ribs. He clearly was not deserving of the miracle of airbags which our good Lord gave to me.

By these evidences shall you know the children of the Lord, from the children of Satan. SAY AMEN!!

TESTIMONY 2
Two weeks ago, while driving on 3rd Mainland Bridge, the car in front of me got attacked by armed robbers. I sharply locked my doors put my gear into reverse and did a u-turn. It was the Angel Gabriel himself that cleared the one-way traffic behind me that day, God knows I cannot remember how I escaped.

As the poor driver was screaming for help, i shouted to him before winding my glass up
"HEAVEN HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES!!" and sped away. I would have liked to add the chapter and verse of the bible for that quote, but alas, the automatic glass of the mercedes was too fast for me.

We thank the Lord that it was not me who was a victim of armed robbery!

A child of God will escape with a testimony to tell, but a child of Satan will suffer the consequences. AMEN!!

Sisters! Do Not Let Men Pay for your Hairdo

My dear brothers and especially sisters, I am sorry for the lack of posts and postages but I have been busy with the work that God has given me. I have decided to outsource some of my posts to other sisters and brothers working in the field, that we may all share the wisdom. Below is an important message from Aunty Agatha who writes for thisdayonline about the spiritual consequences of a man paying for your new hairstyle. Read on.... http://independentngonline.com/news/164/ARTICLE/14883/2006-11-10.html Dear Agatha, Please, help me with this touchy issue I have been battling with for sometime now. Recently, your sister came to my house on a visit. She saw me asking a man I recently met to give me money for a hairdo. He gave me the money, but your sister advised me against using the money for my hairdo, saying that you said it was wrong; that a man a woman isn’t married to should under no circumstances pay for a woman’s hairdo. To compound my worry, my pastor also confirmed what your sister said you told her. Since that day I have been unable to sleep because I have lost count of the number of men that have paid for the styling of my hair. Bukola ---------------- Dear Bukola, A lot of women today are victims of such innocent mistakes. They either are unable to attract the right husbands, have children later in life or are totally unable to explain the terrible experiences they go through in life. So, when a man therefore pays for a woman’s hair grooming, spiritually and physically he has established some covenants with her, giving him a sort of right in her life, whether she agrees or not. This is because money, being the means of legal tender, carries with it an unspeakable authority. Therefore, wherever it is tendered, it is assumed that a sort of agreement has been entered into. So, when a man pays for the grooming of a woman’s hair, it is assumed she had gone into a sort of agreement with him, and if that agreement is replicated with several men at the same or different times, a lot of whirlwind is created in both the spiritual and physical realm. The idea of men paying for a woman’s hair grooming could be considered to be fun and harmless by many women, but it is not as simple as that because they have more implications than can be determined. It is not right for a woman to subject her head to the different hands and interests of men because human motives for doing certain things differ. Good Luck, Agatha

African pastors unite!

The news that Pastor Reinhardt Bonnke is to grace our shores yet again fills me with awe and trepidation. We have much to thank our Christian Brothers across the ocean for: for coming to our land a century and more ago and showing us the evil of our ways, for introducing us to the light and the glory of the White man's religion. So of course, the news that Bonnke still has the love and devotion to visit our humble country fills me with overflowing love for this great man. Like those two other preacher-mountains that we at Greener Pastures adore (and buy all their books on Amazon) - Crespo Dollar and Oral Roberts - we give praise to Jesus, and pause to dwell in the mystery of the Holy Spirit.

However, the trepidation that the Lord provoketh in me is this: that we are now confident of our faith enough that we don't have to keep relying on the Americans. Of course, we at Greener Pastures have relied on generous donations from sister-churches in the mid-West for years. But I for one amongst the management have started to request that we at least lessen the size and regularity of international transfers that go into COGP's domiciliary account. Deaconness Mofe Naira is wrong to argue that the status quo is well (she has even suggested we request for additional payments).

I think we African churches need to stand on the rock we have built in the past few decades. Indeed, I dream that one day soon, we shall start sending money of our own overseas to help our poor African-American brothers and sisters in God's Country (I had this thought around the time of the Lord's message to New Orleans last year).

So, welcome pastor Bonnke. May the seed of your mouth spread itself across the land: there, the fruit of the Lord shall grow (especially in the arid areas of the North). But surely, it is time The Church of the Greener Pastures begins to return the favour (a tempting land deal has just come up in Texas - come brethren - let us build!)

Immigration and Visa Issues

Dear Church,
No doubt in order to spread the gospel to the ungodly countries of the US, UK and Canada, by any means necessary, many church members have travelled using other member's passports, or have over-stayed due to the length of time it takes to convert the heathen Westerners.
Church we are with you.
We are currently petitioning the embassies of these countries to create a special Missionary Visa where we are allowed to enter and leave these countries at will for up to 10 years, in order to spread the gospel.
We have received prayer requests from our members abroad, who are on the rum from police, immigration and other agents of satan as they try to have them deported and stop the good work.
We urge all of you not to visit the babalawos and practitioners of juju in order to get travel documents. You will not get anything more than a single entry 6-month visa.
If you want a 5-year multiple entry visa and/or work permit. Church of Greener Pastures is the only way to go. We have favour with the immigration officials who are men of our Father.
Please send your prayer request, along with a donation equal to $200 dollars. Euros, Pound Sterling and Naira equivalent are also accepted.
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Image from http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/4529082.stm"> BBC Website drawn by http://www.tayofatunla.com"> Tayo Fatunla

Enemies in our midst

Thank you Brother Awolabi for your words of infinite wisdom. Enemies are indeed in our midst - my last post, which caused me considerable effort (I am used to people fetching and carrying for me - including a young brother I have for keyboard duties except personal things like our COGP web blog) has mysteriously disappeared. It can only be evil satanic forces of darkness somehow infiltrating the computer (I am not sure how these things work, but everything is possible. The devil, like the Chinese, may be quite good at hacking these days). For those readers unfortunate enough to have missed my sermon, I was explaining that it is down to me that the Eagles won on penalties yesterday. The Lord answered my fervent fasting with deliverance via Enyeama.

Anyway, we must all continue to fast and praise and tithe so that our beloved team beat the Ivorians on Tuesday. Jesus be praised!

Our African beliefs are sacred. In Jesus name.

I welcome the General Overseer back from his stay at the seminary in Las Vegas. I trust the private jet brought you back in comfort Sir? I also must applaud him for his sermon on the importance of defending our Church from our enemies. In this Nigeria, there are many forces of darkness waiting to pounce at any moment. We must therefore be forever vigilant against traditionalists, babalawos and all those of nativist persuasion. We have also been bombarded by attempts to taint our beliefs with Western influences: showing of shoulder and elbow in church, and accepting homosexuals into the fold. Peter Akinola may be wrong about many things (those Anglicans don’t sing and dance enough in their boring churches for one) but I must shout his message from the rooftops: we in Africa do not have (and have never had) homosexuals. It is a Western form of degeneracy. We must stick to our African beliefs against all attempts by CNN, DSTV and BBC Food to persuade us otherwise.

The African man loves the African woman, and there is no other way around it. Whenever a man does sleep with another man in our beloved country (as I hear they do in the prisons and in Boarding Schools), it is the Devil that has entered his loins. We must join together and pray for deliverance, that his loins may be cleansed and not emptied into the nether regions of his poor victim. Satan be gone from our rich and fertile soil! In Jesus name.

The Sistine Chapel - A Satanic Building

Dear Church,
I have recently been counselling some young brides-to-be on the subject of indecent dressing in the church. Too often in Nigeria, I see wedding dresses which expose not just the hands and neck of the bride (although that is bad enough) but also the arms and shoulders!

No nudity in the church!
No exposed knees or elbows in the church!

I have always said that we in Nigeria practise the true form of Christianity as was intended 2000 years ago. The pollution of the religion by the morally lax Westerners has gone on for too long.

It is for this reason that I kindly ask you to leave a comment below, signing the petition to paint the ceilings of the Sistine Chapel a more sedate black or grey.

How can a building purport to be the House of our Father when there is a naked man with his unmentionables exposed each time you look up to your Father in heaven?

The demonic influences of the artist Michelangelo have been left exposed to innocent and pure eyes for too long.
You must forgive my offending your sensibilities with the awful snapshot of the celing, but I fear you won’t believe the horror unless you are fully confronted with it.

Please sign the petition.

Our trip to the Gulf

Greetings brethren. As my co-servant Mofe mentioned, I been on pilgrimmage to the Persian Gulf. This trip was result of a brainstorm I and few other men of God had back in October. We were trying to think about the weak points around the globe for our Good News mission. We looked at China but decided it was too big on map to conquer all at once. Someone at the back of the room muttered something about India, but I retorted sharply that the Hindoos are beyond redemption, what with worshipping rivers and trees and prancing around naked with their hair all tatted. At that point, we all went quiet - it didnt seem like our evangelical crusade was going anywhere sharp sharp.

Then pastor Yemi spotted the United Arab Emirates just beyond East Africa and mentioned that his friend Emeka had been doing mega business bringing the new Nokias in to our blessed land. At that point, a bright light flashed inside me and a commanding voice said unto me: Go forth to Dubai, for they know not the true God. I felt like Moses at the foot of the mountain.

We hadn’t figured on having so many problems with immigration at Dubai airport. Those arabs can be fussy people sometimes. Pastor Yemi suggested it was the sight of all our gold crucifixes dangling so closely together in one place that disturbed them. I disagreed and pointed out the centuries of arab hatred of we Africans. Them come before the white man to carry us away.

Fortunately, we had a number of prayer warriors in our midst, and the men with cloth on their heads soon gave way to our superior spiritual power. We were quickly on our way into the city. I must say, for a heathen zone, the Sheiks have done well. I found myself wondering whether there is a secret Christian inside every muslim, for how on earth to explain the majesty of so many buildings soaring into the sky. Then I remembered the story of Babel, and reminded myself that hubris is a 500 metres tall building. There is only one way to enter the kingdom of God: through fervent prayer. In Jesus name.

We were disappointed to find that there are no churches in Dubai, so we had nowhere to begin our worshipful campaign. Instead, we went to the Gold Souq. I availed myself of 3 Nokia N90s (I will be able to sell them on to senior members of our Church with a healthy margin). So there was a victory of sorts to our mission. We plan to go back before Easter next year and talk to the Sheiks about setting up a Gulf Coast outpost for our most celestial church.

Decent Dressing and Society

Since our dear pastor and prophet are away on pilgrimage to Dubai, I have decided to leave a comment for you members of our church.
Yes, I am aware that women are not allowed to preach or deliver sermons or be head of any church. I speak to you as a fellow worshipper and not as a leader. In the absence of anything, spiritual garri is better than spiritual hunger.

My comment today is on the subject of Decent Dressing and Society. I have just read in The Tide newspaper, one of the most informed and righteous opinions on this subject. I would like to share it with you all. The link is here
Decent Dressing and Society

I will now quote from some passages

The contemporary Nigerian society is being plagued by a catalogue of social vices. Among these, indecent dressing by the womenfolk stands out very vivid as one of those most problematic anomalies that have destructively engulfed the Nigerian social system.
Indeed. In fact I will go so far as to say that Indecent Dressing is Nigeria's biggest problem. Bigger than corruption, AIDS, Plane Crash, Malaria and even demonic posessions.

The whole scenario is quite disturbing considering that this malady, called fashion, has turned out to be a breeding ground for many other societal malaises like sexual promiscuity, rape, prostitution, spread of sexually transmitted diseases, armed robbery, cultism and occult activities including a litany of similar other vices which have now assumed disturbing proportions.
Of course. I am very glad that this wise man (we know no woman could be intelligent enough to write this sort of article) added armed robbery to the list. Many people today forget that the main reason why armed robbers come to a house, is not to get away with cash or cars, but to enjoy the delights offered by the madam of the house as she lies in her bed invitingly in her flimsy night dress.

Let me tell you now, It is a mistake to think that just because it is night and you are tucked up in bed, you are not obligated to dress in a decent fashion. Morality is not just for the daytime.

Second, unavailability of resources may lead the men especially, the youths into robbery and cult activities just to meet the economic demands of the female partners.
An excellent point. As it is only an indecently dressed woman that makes economic demands and in fact, indecently dressed women are more likely than not to be the girlfriends, mothers, sisters, daughters and even grandmothers of armed cult-members and armed robbers.

These men steal just for the sake of their indecently dressed partners. They themselves are of course not greedy, or wicked, but as Eve turned Adam, so they have been turned by their bosom-exposing parners.

Of course, the ultimate child of the whole state of affairs include spread of diseases and death. The much talked about spread of HIV and—AIDS viruses at present bear a testimony to this fact.In the face of all these, and for the thriving of this ug1y trend, certain category of people, notably the female group, comprising girls, mothers and indeed the entire womenfolk are to blame.
This man is truly annointed! He is not afraid to point to the real wrongdoers.
It is a well known fact that women are 100% responsible, 100% of the time, for the rape and the spread of diseases in society. If they did not take part, there would be no rape, no diseases and no death.
Yes, it's true. If Eve did not eat that apple, we would all be in the Garden of Eden today.

But in this, they would fail without the co-operation and encouragement of some men especially the sugar daddies.
Another excellent point. Just as it is a well known fact that women are 100% responsible 100% of the time, Men are 50% responsible 90% of the time. This is a lesser known fact.

The bottom line is that men, as normal human persons should strive to exercise themselves from finding excuses for animal behaviours, but shou1d remain dogged in the exercise of their power of self control in the face of any temptation to do the contrary. This constitutes the core measure vis-a-vis laying to rest, indecent dressing with its inherent dangers to our society.
Exactly. Just as women are also always the cause of the problems, The men are the only ones who can find the solution.

And at this point, I would like to give a direct quote from the bible. Please Note: I am not preaching, merely highlighting a passage.
Mark 9:47
And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell,

While 80% of the problem is that women are dressing indecently, The remaining 50% is that men are looking at them. Why is it that these men are not plucking out one or two of their eyes? This is a clear instruction. There is no confusion to interprete. I ask the question, Where are all the one-eyed men?
Anybody who has any suggestions as to how to make eye-plucking more mainstream in the 21st century is welcome to post their ideas on this forum.

Eye-plucking will rid our society of armed robbery, disease, corruption and cultism.

And the lord will bless this blog

Our church is too defended to be a victim!
Amen!

Our church will defeat all forces of darkness and enemies of the faith!#
Amen!

Our church will bring deliverance to all those who suffer!
Amen!

Especially to those with incurable diseases!
Amen!

Our church will give the wretched of the earth hope, will send devil-worshippers to Hell, will bring the Angel's blessings to we mortals!
Amen!

Above all, our church will make our nation (Nigeria) the most powerful nation on the planet, with nuclear weapons and everything!
Amen!

Welcome Statement

Dear Believers,

Are you
-stuck in a rut at your present church?
-unable to find a life-partner, inspite of fervent prayers and regular tithing?
- still awaiting promotion at work, after years of steadfast dedication?
- still riding the bus while your friends are cruising in BMWs?
- fat?
-worried that your enemies might prosper?

Then The Church of Greener Pastures is for you.

Join today and take advantage of our special Hotline to Heaven Offer.
We guarantee an answer to one of your prayers, or half of your tithe back!