African pastors unite!

The news that Pastor Reinhardt Bonnke is to grace our shores yet again fills me with awe and trepidation. We have much to thank our Christian Brothers across the ocean for: for coming to our land a century and more ago and showing us the evil of our ways, for introducing us to the light and the glory of the White man's religion. So of course, the news that Bonnke still has the love and devotion to visit our humble country fills me with overflowing love for this great man. Like those two other preacher-mountains that we at Greener Pastures adore (and buy all their books on Amazon) - Crespo Dollar and Oral Roberts - we give praise to Jesus, and pause to dwell in the mystery of the Holy Spirit.

However, the trepidation that the Lord provoketh in me is this: that we are now confident of our faith enough that we don't have to keep relying on the Americans. Of course, we at Greener Pastures have relied on generous donations from sister-churches in the mid-West for years. But I for one amongst the management have started to request that we at least lessen the size and regularity of international transfers that go into COGP's domiciliary account. Deaconness Mofe Naira is wrong to argue that the status quo is well (she has even suggested we request for additional payments).

I think we African churches need to stand on the rock we have built in the past few decades. Indeed, I dream that one day soon, we shall start sending money of our own overseas to help our poor African-American brothers and sisters in God's Country (I had this thought around the time of the Lord's message to New Orleans last year).

So, welcome pastor Bonnke. May the seed of your mouth spread itself across the land: there, the fruit of the Lord shall grow (especially in the arid areas of the North). But surely, it is time The Church of the Greener Pastures begins to return the favour (a tempting land deal has just come up in Texas - come brethren - let us build!)

Immigration and Visa Issues

Dear Church,
No doubt in order to spread the gospel to the ungodly countries of the US, UK and Canada, by any means necessary, many church members have travelled using other member's passports, or have over-stayed due to the length of time it takes to convert the heathen Westerners.
Church we are with you.
We are currently petitioning the embassies of these countries to create a special Missionary Visa where we are allowed to enter and leave these countries at will for up to 10 years, in order to spread the gospel.
We have received prayer requests from our members abroad, who are on the rum from police, immigration and other agents of satan as they try to have them deported and stop the good work.
We urge all of you not to visit the babalawos and practitioners of juju in order to get travel documents. You will not get anything more than a single entry 6-month visa.
If you want a 5-year multiple entry visa and/or work permit. Church of Greener Pastures is the only way to go. We have favour with the immigration officials who are men of our Father.
Please send your prayer request, along with a donation equal to $200 dollars. Euros, Pound Sterling and Naira equivalent are also accepted.
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Image from http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/4529082.stm"> BBC Website drawn by http://www.tayofatunla.com"> Tayo Fatunla

Enemies in our midst

Thank you Brother Awolabi for your words of infinite wisdom. Enemies are indeed in our midst - my last post, which caused me considerable effort (I am used to people fetching and carrying for me - including a young brother I have for keyboard duties except personal things like our COGP web blog) has mysteriously disappeared. It can only be evil satanic forces of darkness somehow infiltrating the computer (I am not sure how these things work, but everything is possible. The devil, like the Chinese, may be quite good at hacking these days). For those readers unfortunate enough to have missed my sermon, I was explaining that it is down to me that the Eagles won on penalties yesterday. The Lord answered my fervent fasting with deliverance via Enyeama.

Anyway, we must all continue to fast and praise and tithe so that our beloved team beat the Ivorians on Tuesday. Jesus be praised!

Our African beliefs are sacred. In Jesus name.

I welcome the General Overseer back from his stay at the seminary in Las Vegas. I trust the private jet brought you back in comfort Sir? I also must applaud him for his sermon on the importance of defending our Church from our enemies. In this Nigeria, there are many forces of darkness waiting to pounce at any moment. We must therefore be forever vigilant against traditionalists, babalawos and all those of nativist persuasion. We have also been bombarded by attempts to taint our beliefs with Western influences: showing of shoulder and elbow in church, and accepting homosexuals into the fold. Peter Akinola may be wrong about many things (those Anglicans don’t sing and dance enough in their boring churches for one) but I must shout his message from the rooftops: we in Africa do not have (and have never had) homosexuals. It is a Western form of degeneracy. We must stick to our African beliefs against all attempts by CNN, DSTV and BBC Food to persuade us otherwise.

The African man loves the African woman, and there is no other way around it. Whenever a man does sleep with another man in our beloved country (as I hear they do in the prisons and in Boarding Schools), it is the Devil that has entered his loins. We must join together and pray for deliverance, that his loins may be cleansed and not emptied into the nether regions of his poor victim. Satan be gone from our rich and fertile soil! In Jesus name.